Smile, Even Though Your Heart Is Aching

I spent all of yesterday trying to leave Vegas with a friend since we were flying stand by and ended up in Cleveland for the night. We made it into Houston at 8 a.m. today, and I spent my afternoon taking my Iranian grandparents to the doctor's office.

I am heartbroken.

I love them. They tell me how wonderful I am and how I am such a good girl, and I am forced to lie to them. While we were in the waiting room, one of Charlie Sheen's shenanigans made it onto the TV. He waltzed up to Jimmy Kimmel and planted a wet kiss on his lips, and I watched my grandmother make the most disgusted face I have ever seen. She talked about how horrible it was for a man to kiss another man. I cried in the parking lot when I went to go bring the car around.

I am gay and I am terrified that my grandparents will find out.

My Catholic Filipino grandma does not understand why I have yet to be baptized, and my Muslim Iranian grandparents are hoping that I find a nice Persian man to settle down with. How could my amazing parents come from such close-minded people? Mama, Baba, my siblings and cousins support me in everything I do, most of my aunts and uncles know and still see me as their niece, and I am comfortable with who I am. I feel so ashamed that this is even an issue.

For the most part, I know I am a good person. I know how fortunate I am and I live life to the fullest. I am almost always positive and smiling. I am extremely patient and understanding. I donate my hair, clothes, money, and time whenever I can. I believe in a God who creates out of love and purpose, and that is why I exist.

I am tired of this bull where people condemn me for being a homosexual and not having a religion. Who gave you the Big Guy's job? Be kind, selfless, true, and leave the judging to the pro.

"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing."

I owe these two everything.

They keep me going.

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life

I have a week until I start receiving acceptance letters to graduate schools I applied to.

It is crazy to think that in four months I will possibly living across the country, starting a dual-masters program and a new life at Syracuse University.

Am I excited? Yes.

Am I scared? Yes, out of my mind.

I have been incredibly spoiled until this point. I have:

- Two great parents, who have been married for 25 years, support me in everything that I do, and have never given me a reason to want to leave home.

- A younger sister. Momo lives down the hall, completes my sentences and quotes our favorite movies. She is my best friend and favorite musician.

- Family throughout the city of Houston. For most of them, I can ride my bike to go visit. Mamanjoon and Babajoon (grandparents) live a couple of blocks away, an uncle and his family are literally next door to us, and a couple of others are a few streets over.

- Friends that were readily available for lunch dates and much needed talks.

Why would I want to leave? I don't. However, I need to. I have worked too hard and learned from the best. I owe it to myself to continue with the best and expand my opportunities. That is my Miss America "World Peace" answer, and I am sticking to it.

_____________________________

In a little more than a week, I take two good friends on their first trip to Vegas. (March 17-21)

In a little more than a month, I will be going to Australia for the first time. (April 14-25)

Right after that, there is the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival with stellar lineups. (May 5-8)

In a little more than two months, I will be backpacking through Europe. (May 16-31)

In a little more than three months, I could be visiting Iran for my very first time. (Dates and Iranian passport need to be taken care of.)

I am 22-years-old and I have not been to either of my parents' countries. This makes me incredibly sad, especially since I do not have a legitimate excuse for not going. I fly to most places free, because of mom and dad's flight benefits, and I have family on almost every continent.

I shall be sure to post pics and vids of the travels (I am going on a budget, so I will be sure to share any tips I discover). I am currently bidding on a camera via eBay, which brings me to the next topic.

I, Nadia Hakim, am addicted to eBay. It is ruining my life and sleeping patterns. On a more positive note, so far I have won a new aluminum road bike and Jack Wolfskin 70 L backpack.

_____________________________

So what am I doing now?

I am teaching indoor rock climbing. I usually work with kids and I have a few students with disabilities (i.e. autism, under developed motor skills). They have taught me more than I could ever teach them, and constantly remind me that anything is possible. I doubt that I can find better laughs, hugs, knuckle bumps, or toothless smiles anywhere else. I love what I do and it has been the best job I have had during my undergraduate studies.

For a paycheck that can actually fund my trips, I have started contract work with 3 Mark Financial, taking care of data input. It is easy and mundane, but the pay is great, hours are flexible, and it was a 2 month contract, so I will be done in time to play.

_____________________________

Promise to start posting more.

Wide Awake

My first post comes from a result of sleep deprivation. Surely not an original motive to contribute an entry on Blogspot, so no worries... yet.

I do hope, though, my reasons for not sleeping land nowhere near common.

Wednesday night, the 27th, I spent the day throwing together a last minute video for the opportunity of a lifetime. Sunglass Hut posted an opening for a fashion blogger, who would receive perks like any other, including an apartment in Manhattan, 100K one year contract, and access to cover fashion shows in Europe. (You can vote for my video at http://www.fulltimefabulous.com/video/view.aspx?vid=DqW6W2Fbbhc)

An hour after submitting my entry, I received a link (via Facebook) to an incredible story.

A man was released from Burleson County Jail after remaining on Death Row for 12 years and awaited his retrial for another six years in an isolated cell. No physical evidence linked him to the crime. He witnessed his family grow from behind a plexiglass window, slept on a steel bunk with a plastic covered mattress, and could only read paperback novels. It took 18 years for the state of Texas to realize that Anthony Graves had been denied innocence.

My eyes blurred from the deluge of emotions. I continued to sob uncontrollably.

I began writing to Anthony this past September and we remained good friends ever since. We bet push-ups on sports games, talked about traveling and our families, shared playlists and plenty of laughs. I told him he would have to get out before May, that way he could make it to my graduation ceremony. Not once did we ever see one another, until his press conference with the media today.

My exceptionally talented teacher, Professor Nicole Casarez, works with The Innocence Project of Texas on cases where criminals have potential claims of innocence. She came across Anthony's case eight years ago and worked on it ever since, unpaid. In his first letter, Anthony wrote, "Nicole is a wonderful, wonderful person, and she's become like a big sister to me, so I can understand why you are a proud former student...."

(From the back of the letter Anthony sent for my birthday, "A hand in friendship")

What a day, though, right? Accounting class, followed by an emotional press conference with a pen pal, while trying to rally support for my dream job. The only downers to the day were the bruise from my flu shot and my bland fajita salad from Cyclone Anaya's. Way to poop on the party by means of mediocrity.