Smile, Even Though Your Heart Is Aching

I spent all of yesterday trying to leave Vegas with a friend since we were flying stand by and ended up in Cleveland for the night. We made it into Houston at 8 a.m. today, and I spent my afternoon taking my Iranian grandparents to the doctor's office.

I am heartbroken.

I love them. They tell me how wonderful I am and how I am such a good girl, and I am forced to lie to them. While we were in the waiting room, one of Charlie Sheen's shenanigans made it onto the TV. He waltzed up to Jimmy Kimmel and planted a wet kiss on his lips, and I watched my grandmother make the most disgusted face I have ever seen. She talked about how horrible it was for a man to kiss another man. I cried in the parking lot when I went to go bring the car around.

I am gay and I am terrified that my grandparents will find out.

My Catholic Filipino grandma does not understand why I have yet to be baptized, and my Muslim Iranian grandparents are hoping that I find a nice Persian man to settle down with. How could my amazing parents come from such close-minded people? Mama, Baba, my siblings and cousins support me in everything I do, most of my aunts and uncles know and still see me as their niece, and I am comfortable with who I am. I feel so ashamed that this is even an issue.

For the most part, I know I am a good person. I know how fortunate I am and I live life to the fullest. I am almost always positive and smiling. I am extremely patient and understanding. I donate my hair, clothes, money, and time whenever I can. I believe in a God who creates out of love and purpose, and that is why I exist.

I am tired of this bull where people condemn me for being a homosexual and not having a religion. Who gave you the Big Guy's job? Be kind, selfless, true, and leave the judging to the pro.

"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing."

I owe these two everything.

They keep me going.

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life

I have a week until I start receiving acceptance letters to graduate schools I applied to.

It is crazy to think that in four months I will possibly living across the country, starting a dual-masters program and a new life at Syracuse University.

Am I excited? Yes.

Am I scared? Yes, out of my mind.

I have been incredibly spoiled until this point. I have:

- Two great parents, who have been married for 25 years, support me in everything that I do, and have never given me a reason to want to leave home.

- A younger sister. Momo lives down the hall, completes my sentences and quotes our favorite movies. She is my best friend and favorite musician.

- Family throughout the city of Houston. For most of them, I can ride my bike to go visit. Mamanjoon and Babajoon (grandparents) live a couple of blocks away, an uncle and his family are literally next door to us, and a couple of others are a few streets over.

- Friends that were readily available for lunch dates and much needed talks.

Why would I want to leave? I don't. However, I need to. I have worked too hard and learned from the best. I owe it to myself to continue with the best and expand my opportunities. That is my Miss America "World Peace" answer, and I am sticking to it.

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In a little more than a week, I take two good friends on their first trip to Vegas. (March 17-21)

In a little more than a month, I will be going to Australia for the first time. (April 14-25)

Right after that, there is the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival with stellar lineups. (May 5-8)

In a little more than two months, I will be backpacking through Europe. (May 16-31)

In a little more than three months, I could be visiting Iran for my very first time. (Dates and Iranian passport need to be taken care of.)

I am 22-years-old and I have not been to either of my parents' countries. This makes me incredibly sad, especially since I do not have a legitimate excuse for not going. I fly to most places free, because of mom and dad's flight benefits, and I have family on almost every continent.

I shall be sure to post pics and vids of the travels (I am going on a budget, so I will be sure to share any tips I discover). I am currently bidding on a camera via eBay, which brings me to the next topic.

I, Nadia Hakim, am addicted to eBay. It is ruining my life and sleeping patterns. On a more positive note, so far I have won a new aluminum road bike and Jack Wolfskin 70 L backpack.

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So what am I doing now?

I am teaching indoor rock climbing. I usually work with kids and I have a few students with disabilities (i.e. autism, under developed motor skills). They have taught me more than I could ever teach them, and constantly remind me that anything is possible. I doubt that I can find better laughs, hugs, knuckle bumps, or toothless smiles anywhere else. I love what I do and it has been the best job I have had during my undergraduate studies.

For a paycheck that can actually fund my trips, I have started contract work with 3 Mark Financial, taking care of data input. It is easy and mundane, but the pay is great, hours are flexible, and it was a 2 month contract, so I will be done in time to play.

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Promise to start posting more.