The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

Nadia Hakim, stranded at an airport, big surprise.

Well, well, well... Washington Dulles International... We meet again.

I recently turned 23. I forgot my birthday once the day actually came around. I was in the computer lab working on some of the page layouts for public diplomacy’s publication, and, once it turned midnight, a couple of friends looked up at me and excitedly wished me a happy birthday.

Twenty-three. What a ride.

I started waking up with aches and sore joints, though. It seems as though there is an elderly woman with osteoporosis and severe rheumatoid arthritis encased somewhere in this body. I realized it had been over a month since my last visit to the gym. I was not taking the time to stretch anymore and my IT bands enjoyed reminding me of my negligence. As a result, I decided to invest in a foam roller, make use of the multiple gyms on campus, and consider training for a sprint triathlon. I have become much less cranky in the past couple of weeks.

On a side note, I have been working as a research assistant for a professor and filmmaker at Newhouse and she organizes the school's annual Human Rights Film Festival. Taking care of the archives and looking into the documentaries made me realize all of the issues there are out there. I have always been interested in human rights, but this exposure and the diplomacy program have really peaked my curiosity.

I am also currently reading Slow Food Nation by Carlo Petrini. He discusses why food should be clean, fair, and good, while providing valuable insight on the legitimacy of gastronomy and the necessity of sustainability. I LOVE IT. I found this quote in the midst of the second section:

“Gastronomy is a science that analyzes happiness. Through food, which is a universal and immediate language, a component of identity, and an object of exchange, it reveals itself as one of the most powerful forms of peace diplomacy.”

How true is that? I imagine that if everyone tried Persian food, which is my favorite, most people would actually give Iranians and our culture a chance. There are traditions behind the pots of rice, pistachios and dried cranberries mixed in, with just the right amount of saffron staining the long white grains, along with the perfect stew that took hours to prepare, and a plate full of fresh herbs to complement every bite. It took mankind eons to figure out what nutrition is, how to grow food, how to prepare it, etc.

My mom is from the Philippines and this is how she really connected with my father's side of the family. She learned the traditional dishes and their history. My parents have been married for 25ish years, and my mother and grandma still cannot communicate because of the language barrier, but once they are in the kitchen, where they are both comfortable and fluent in Persian recipes, words don't matter.

No region’s methods are identical to another. Food is more than a necessity. It is a way of life. It is a form of cultural exchange. It is the perfect tool for diplomacy.

Culture and calories… it doesn’t get much better than that.

Lights Will Guide You Home... And I Will Try To Fix You.

Typed on 11/3/11

I'm currently at Hancock Airport in Syracuse, waiting to board a plane to Cleveland so that I can connect to Houston, yet once again.

Usually, I'm really excited to go home. I get to spend time with my family and girlfriend for a couple of days. We have a small dinner at home with some laughs and share some stories. I tell them about school, the cold, and how I've managed to feed myself. I'm sure it's the same agenda for this weekend, but there's something out of the ordinary that I've been dreading.

I'm going with my mother to the hospital to say goodbye to a friend.

D's known me since I was a sonogram and she's my mom's dearest friend. I'm very fortunate to have all my grandparents, but it feels as though I'm losing one. I thought I had more time. Every time I saw her she was standing tall and sharing her wisdom. We went on lunch dates with mom every other month. I thought I had more time. I took what little time we had for granted. Now that I think about it, no matter how much more time we would've been given, it wouldn't have been enough. It would've never been enough.

She's been in a coma for a little over a week and a half, so I wonder if she'll be able to hear me when I thank her.

When I thank her for being a grandmother to my sister and me,

for always remembering to send a birthday card,

for never canceling a lunch date,

for always believing in me,

for being such a good friend to my mom,

for showing me what a strong and independent woman looks like...

...for everything.

11/5/11

I went to visit last night.

I told her everything and said goodbye.

I left with the heaviest heart, weighing me down and crushing everything inside.

We love you very much, Dottie. Safe travels back to Pennsylvania.

Don't Panic

I finished my first summer session with a bang. I made A's in both classes, met oodles of new people, found a natural aptitude in graphics design, and established a pretty decent balance between fun and work. On a side note, I have also managed not to starve to death or give myself food poisoning.

The people in my program are the best. Sixteen individuals out to change the world. The first day of class our professor told us that we were going to be more than classmates and friends. We are the cohort.

I lived in my apartment, alone, for the first month, since my roommates' programs did not start until August. Baba helped me move in, which eased the transition a bit. It was hard once he left. I still had two days until orientation, so it was nothing but me and my thoughts for those 48 hours. I wish he could have stayed longer. My mom and sister were not able to get on the flight with us, so it was a rushed good-bye at the terminal. I was okay until Momo started crying. It broke my heart. I was the protector for almost twenty years and was now moving across the country. I miss hearing her play the piano, Baba rushing to catch the bus to work, and smelling the coffee brewing in the morning (even though I would never touch the stuff). Every day, I find myself wishing I was sitting at the dining room table with them, putting up with Baba's corny jokes, eating a home-cooked meal, and having Mama yelling at Momo, Nestor, and me to take our paperwork off of the table.

I miss my kids from work. I never realized how much I looked forward to lessons at the end of the week. The toothless smiles, fist bumps, know-it-alls, every new record they set, everything... I had the greatest job as an undergraduate student. Two and a half years of watching kids believe in themselves and letting them do something extraordinary.

Orientation happened and school went into full throttle with no signs of slowing down. I thrive on the work. Deadlines, projects, papers, and the creativity that goes into everything... It keeps me sane and going. As much as I enjoyed my semester off, being back in school reminded me of how much I need to be challenged.

I missed the first week of the fall semester because of shenanigans with Hurricane Irene. All the passengers on the cancelled flights from the weekend rolled over to the flights throughout the week. I fly standby because of my parents flight benefits, so I take the leftover seats. There were no leftover seats until Thursday. In Syracuse now, though, so I am playing catch up.

I miss her. I don't know what she did, or how we came to this point. Butterflies still take over every time she walks into a room. She believes in me when I doubt my own abilities. I don't notice when she undercooks noodles or rice because I cannot focus on anything but her anyway. We don't need to talk constantly when we are together, silence is acceptable. Every detail is significant. She challenges me and inspires me to be better, not only for myself, but for her too. She is the wilderness of my intuition.

This is all so different, exciting, and petrifying. We rushed into whatever we are, completely blindsided, and we are still standing (with a new kitten). Sometimes you get lucky. A person stumbles into your life for whatever reason, turns your world upside down, and makes it all worthwhile.

"Oh, all that I know,

There's nothing here to run from,

And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on." -Coldplay

Good Life

Just wanted a recap of my 2011 so far.

-Acceptance to all the graduate programs I applied to

-Commencement ceremonies (My cousin's and my own. Yay, Yasseen!)

-Went to Australia, climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and fed a kangaroo and koala (not at the same time)

-Went to England and Amsterdam

-Realized how much I enjoy postcards

-Went to Syracuse and decided that is where I wanted to continue studying

-Showed two good friends a good time during their first trip to Vegas

-Experienced the Taste of Texas with my family

-My sister dyed her hair blue

-Realized how close I am to my family

-Helped my brother move into the house

-Skydiving for the first time

-Wakeboarding for the first time

-Learned how to shoot a gun

-Momo dyed her hair blue

-New road bike

-Editing all of Massi's freaking essays

-Discovered real pain via inflammed Iliotibial Bands.

-Learned how to correctly and most efficiently throw punches

-Long jumped almost 70 inches

-Worked hard for perfect abs

-Went to Free Press Summer Fest for the first time

-Learned how to make pancakes

-Won concert tickets over the radio for the first time

-Worked an art show

-Ran my first 5K ever in 34 minutes and 39 seconds

-Learned how to change the oil in my car

-Received the title to my car

-Took my brother to his first concert, Juanes!

-Signed my first lease

-Fermented juice at home

-Toured the Blue Bell Ice Creameries

-Discovered a true passion for intense Zumba workouts and plyometrics

-Felt heartbreak during the Superbowl

-Saw the Blue Man Group (Did I mention Momo dyed her hair blue?)

-Went to the Rodeo Cook Off for the first time

-Went to my first live cage fight and sat ringside

-Went blueberry picking

-My program at school upgraded me to an iPhone

-Made friends and more friends

-Found someone that treats me right

I still have half of a year left to squeeze what I can in. Won't you join me? Let's go!

"Now I, I go for mine, I got to shine

Now throw your hands up in the sky" -Kanye

Steady As She Goes

Sixteen-ish days left before the big move.

I finally found a place to stay. I have three roommates and my own room. It should be fun.

I also found someone that I really like. Of course, I am leaving. I don't think it would be fair for me to keep someone waiting for me, 1600 miles away. She says that maybe we should've met later, after our lives were all situated, but, as I always mention, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

We don't have specific titles or rules. We take care of our own business and still find time for each other, whether it is talking about anything in bed or hitting up a music festival. It's nice. Someone that actually treats me right and is sure about their sexuality. This is a new one for me. We've agreed to just enjoy what we have going on now, but it's getting serious and we both know we are in trouble. Oi.

I started burying my head in the books, again, to keep me busy. Began to touch up on Mass Media and Visual Communication Theory, Marjane Satrapi for leisure, Deepak Chopra for enlightenment and life lessons, Made to Stick by Chip & Dan Heath.It's been good. Everyone should read a little more. I feel incredibly more intelligent looking when I carry around a book, whether that actually makes me more intelligent or not, eh... We will find out.

In addition to my noggin growing, so have the muscles. When I move, I lose my fancy pants gym membership to the fancy pants gym that I've been working at for the past two years. I refuse to become a polar bear when I move up north. Regardless, I tried boxing stuff for the first time yesterday at an exclusive work out that I was invited to. My shoulders and lats are incredibly sore, and my fingers are still shaking since I wasn't able to wrap my hands. My knuckles are bruised and my left wrist is slightly swollen. Regardless, I feel like a bad ass and I am at the top of my game.

A lot of people come up with some really lame excuses not to exercise or perform even the slightest bit of physical activity. Go for a freaking walk, run through a sprinkler system, play fetch with your dog... anything can easily be exercise!

It's for your own livelihood, so stop crying and start moving.

Lean On Me

My sister, Momo, has gone to Cancun for a wedding for a few days and I still have five days until hermanito, Nestor, moves in. I have the house to myself during the day, and there is so much to think about and get done.

For the people that have known me for a while, most of you are questioning how long I've had a brother. I am going to take a moment to clarify this.

I have a younger brother and his name is Nestor. He is four months younger than me and he has been part of the family for about a year now. He is the main reason that I believe everything happens for a reason. Call it destiny, the Grace of God, coincidence, whatever... He came to us and that is all that matters. Since then, he has never missed a family event and he is always there when we need him, whether we ask or not. He doesn't talk much, but him being there is so much more than words can express.

Mama yells at him whenever it's cold and he doesn't wear a jacket, he is protective of me and Momo, and Baba forces him to help carry his camera bags and tripods (as all Hakim children are expected to do). I really think Nestor is beginning to understand what family is all about. I am glad I found him.

Nestor, me, and cuzzin Massi

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Yesterday I was dragged on a misadventure with my brother and sister, so that she can find shoes for her trip. We had no luck and ended up at a tea house. There was a deaf couple that came in to raise money for something. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I only had my useless plastic credit cards on me. They were less fortunate and the woman was four months pregnant. They had no luck from any of the clientele. Whether they were being honest or it was a scam and they weren't deaf, I went with my gut instincts and believed them, and bought them a couple of smoothies.

It is upsetting that we have gotten to the point where we have to be so cynical about everything. Who is honest? Who are the rotten liars? Some people choose not to follow the truth and that tarnishes the credibility of the rest of society. Why?

I firmly believe that there is always something that you can do to make someone else's life a little bit easier, and it doesn't have to be anything big and drastic. Little things are just as important. Open the door for someone, give up your seat, help carry something, share a laugh... It is amazing what these things do. I decided to spend eight bucks on a couple of smoothies for some hungry strangers. A mere eight dollars and there were smiles all around, scribbled notes of gratitude on scraps of paper, and shared excitement for their baby. Let me tell you that it was worth every cent.

Go out there and make a difference.

Three Little Birds

First off, I was called egotistical and rude by two different people within the period of a week.

I really don't care, especially since one said I was egotistic and self-centered in the same sentence, which just makes her a redundant buffoon.

The rude part is what bothers me. That is the last thing that I would ever want to be described as. Egotistical, however, I find debatable.

The first definition is someone boastful of themselves. I am not going to deny it, I am pretty great and I enjoy people taking note of it. The second definition is someone indifferent to the well-being of others and selfish. Most definitely not my cup of tea. My parents did not raise me this way and I will never want to be considered selfish.

Extremely confident? Yes. Ridiculous? Yes. Easily amused? Yes. Rude? Absolutely not.

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Apparently, during my delivery, the doctors were all singing Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds.”

Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',

Smiled with the risin' sun,

Three little birds

Pitch by my doorstep

Singin' sweet songs

Of melodies pure and true,

Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou."

I feel this explains a lot about me. Also, whenever I hear this song, it makes me smile and brings on a fresh wave of optimism.

Hopefully you hear it in the near future and it has the same positive effect on your mindset.

MakeDamnSure

I've done gone and messed up my iliotibial band and legs, so I have been stranded in the house all day with nothing but a few conversations with friends and healing thoughts.

Bullshit.

I hate this. It was a beautiful day and all I wanted was to go cycling.

I spent 26 hours on a plane last week. I am exhausted, but cannot sleep most of the time. (Europe in 10 days!)

Anyways, I am moving to Syracuse to begin graduate school in two months. Still have yet to find a place to live, but I fell in love with campus and the program this past weekend.

Only one other student showed up for this master’s preview, and she was put on the waiting list for the program. She is from Palestine, optimistic and lovely. I wish the world for her.

Doctor Dennis immediately recognized my name from my personal statement. We began discussing the theories I proposed to research on, and he said no one had ever mentioned the spiral of silence before. He remembered my mom being from the Philippines and we talked of a variety of things, from Marjane Satrapi to Mexican food. It feels good to know that I have already established a comfortable relationship with one of my primary mentors.

What he told me next put everything into perspective. There are only 15 students in the public diplomacy program. That is all they admitted when the program first started four years ago, and that is all they admitted from the 90 applicants for 2011. The students study, work, publish an annual journal, organize guest speakers, travel abroad for internships, and so much else. I have yet to meet the 14 other students, but it is daunting to think that this is it for the next two years.

I am currently 22 years old. When I am 24, I will have my bachelor’s in communication with two master’s degrees, one in public relations and the other in international relations. I can have a doctorate by the time I am 27 if I wanted to. I am five pep talks away from making my decision on a PhD.

Regardless, April 30, 2011 is the day I decided that I, eventually, was bound to change worlds for the better. I am going to make a difference.

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On a side note, because I am leaving in a bit, I decided months ago that I would refrain from any serious relationships and just have fun. For the most part, I have been successful. The whole situation, however, has me thinking about my expectations in a significant other.

I am ambitious, pretty decent looking, intelligent to a certain extent... Needless to say, I have my head screwed on right, which is something that most people my age aren't able to claim. My family is extremely supportive and I have a lot to offer. It is extremely difficult for me, though, to find someone that is confident in who they are and has the ability to tolerate me.

I ran across some old photographs of my most recent ex on my laptop. We were together for about a year and a few months, with a two hour commute from one another, when she decided to break up with me days before my birthday. She decided that she ultimately couldn't be with a girl. The most recent news is that she has become the party girl that she always strived to be, continuing to idolize tanning and drinking, reality TV, and Lindsay Lohan. I am told that I dodged quite the bullet. I cannot help but think the same.

People tell me that I am too young to be worrying about all this, and I agree. BUTTTT I do fret a bit, regardless. I think it is because at my age, my parents had already been married for 4 years and I was a year old.

I have the rest of my life set, so why is this such a problem? I suppose a big part of it is that I have to meet my own expectations before subjecting anyone else to them. Also, there is the theory that I have gotten screwed over so many times that I subconsciously resent monogamous relationships.\

Oh well, I still have time and most of my wits.

The world is mine for the taking.

"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong."

-Peter T. Mcintyre

Smile, Even Though Your Heart Is Aching

I spent all of yesterday trying to leave Vegas with a friend since we were flying stand by and ended up in Cleveland for the night. We made it into Houston at 8 a.m. today, and I spent my afternoon taking my Iranian grandparents to the doctor's office.

I am heartbroken.

I love them. They tell me how wonderful I am and how I am such a good girl, and I am forced to lie to them. While we were in the waiting room, one of Charlie Sheen's shenanigans made it onto the TV. He waltzed up to Jimmy Kimmel and planted a wet kiss on his lips, and I watched my grandmother make the most disgusted face I have ever seen. She talked about how horrible it was for a man to kiss another man. I cried in the parking lot when I went to go bring the car around.

I am gay and I am terrified that my grandparents will find out.

My Catholic Filipino grandma does not understand why I have yet to be baptized, and my Muslim Iranian grandparents are hoping that I find a nice Persian man to settle down with. How could my amazing parents come from such close-minded people? Mama, Baba, my siblings and cousins support me in everything I do, most of my aunts and uncles know and still see me as their niece, and I am comfortable with who I am. I feel so ashamed that this is even an issue.

For the most part, I know I am a good person. I know how fortunate I am and I live life to the fullest. I am almost always positive and smiling. I am extremely patient and understanding. I donate my hair, clothes, money, and time whenever I can. I believe in a God who creates out of love and purpose, and that is why I exist.

I am tired of this bull where people condemn me for being a homosexual and not having a religion. Who gave you the Big Guy's job? Be kind, selfless, true, and leave the judging to the pro.

"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing."

I owe these two everything.

They keep me going.

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life

I have a week until I start receiving acceptance letters to graduate schools I applied to.

It is crazy to think that in four months I will possibly living across the country, starting a dual-masters program and a new life at Syracuse University.

Am I excited? Yes.

Am I scared? Yes, out of my mind.

I have been incredibly spoiled until this point. I have:

- Two great parents, who have been married for 25 years, support me in everything that I do, and have never given me a reason to want to leave home.

- A younger sister. Momo lives down the hall, completes my sentences and quotes our favorite movies. She is my best friend and favorite musician.

- Family throughout the city of Houston. For most of them, I can ride my bike to go visit. Mamanjoon and Babajoon (grandparents) live a couple of blocks away, an uncle and his family are literally next door to us, and a couple of others are a few streets over.

- Friends that were readily available for lunch dates and much needed talks.

Why would I want to leave? I don't. However, I need to. I have worked too hard and learned from the best. I owe it to myself to continue with the best and expand my opportunities. That is my Miss America "World Peace" answer, and I am sticking to it.

_____________________________

In a little more than a week, I take two good friends on their first trip to Vegas. (March 17-21)

In a little more than a month, I will be going to Australia for the first time. (April 14-25)

Right after that, there is the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival with stellar lineups. (May 5-8)

In a little more than two months, I will be backpacking through Europe. (May 16-31)

In a little more than three months, I could be visiting Iran for my very first time. (Dates and Iranian passport need to be taken care of.)

I am 22-years-old and I have not been to either of my parents' countries. This makes me incredibly sad, especially since I do not have a legitimate excuse for not going. I fly to most places free, because of mom and dad's flight benefits, and I have family on almost every continent.

I shall be sure to post pics and vids of the travels (I am going on a budget, so I will be sure to share any tips I discover). I am currently bidding on a camera via eBay, which brings me to the next topic.

I, Nadia Hakim, am addicted to eBay. It is ruining my life and sleeping patterns. On a more positive note, so far I have won a new aluminum road bike and Jack Wolfskin 70 L backpack.

_____________________________

So what am I doing now?

I am teaching indoor rock climbing. I usually work with kids and I have a few students with disabilities (i.e. autism, under developed motor skills). They have taught me more than I could ever teach them, and constantly remind me that anything is possible. I doubt that I can find better laughs, hugs, knuckle bumps, or toothless smiles anywhere else. I love what I do and it has been the best job I have had during my undergraduate studies.

For a paycheck that can actually fund my trips, I have started contract work with 3 Mark Financial, taking care of data input. It is easy and mundane, but the pay is great, hours are flexible, and it was a 2 month contract, so I will be done in time to play.

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Promise to start posting more.