Lean On Me

My sister, Momo, has gone to Cancun for a wedding for a few days and I still have five days until hermanito, Nestor, moves in. I have the house to myself during the day, and there is so much to think about and get done.

For the people that have known me for a while, most of you are questioning how long I've had a brother. I am going to take a moment to clarify this.

I have a younger brother and his name is Nestor. He is four months younger than me and he has been part of the family for about a year now. He is the main reason that I believe everything happens for a reason. Call it destiny, the Grace of God, coincidence, whatever... He came to us and that is all that matters. Since then, he has never missed a family event and he is always there when we need him, whether we ask or not. He doesn't talk much, but him being there is so much more than words can express.

Mama yells at him whenever it's cold and he doesn't wear a jacket, he is protective of me and Momo, and Baba forces him to help carry his camera bags and tripods (as all Hakim children are expected to do). I really think Nestor is beginning to understand what family is all about. I am glad I found him.

Nestor, me, and cuzzin Massi

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Yesterday I was dragged on a misadventure with my brother and sister, so that she can find shoes for her trip. We had no luck and ended up at a tea house. There was a deaf couple that came in to raise money for something. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I only had my useless plastic credit cards on me. They were less fortunate and the woman was four months pregnant. They had no luck from any of the clientele. Whether they were being honest or it was a scam and they weren't deaf, I went with my gut instincts and believed them, and bought them a couple of smoothies.

It is upsetting that we have gotten to the point where we have to be so cynical about everything. Who is honest? Who are the rotten liars? Some people choose not to follow the truth and that tarnishes the credibility of the rest of society. Why?

I firmly believe that there is always something that you can do to make someone else's life a little bit easier, and it doesn't have to be anything big and drastic. Little things are just as important. Open the door for someone, give up your seat, help carry something, share a laugh... It is amazing what these things do. I decided to spend eight bucks on a couple of smoothies for some hungry strangers. A mere eight dollars and there were smiles all around, scribbled notes of gratitude on scraps of paper, and shared excitement for their baby. Let me tell you that it was worth every cent.

Go out there and make a difference.

Three Little Birds

First off, I was called egotistical and rude by two different people within the period of a week.

I really don't care, especially since one said I was egotistic and self-centered in the same sentence, which just makes her a redundant buffoon.

The rude part is what bothers me. That is the last thing that I would ever want to be described as. Egotistical, however, I find debatable.

The first definition is someone boastful of themselves. I am not going to deny it, I am pretty great and I enjoy people taking note of it. The second definition is someone indifferent to the well-being of others and selfish. Most definitely not my cup of tea. My parents did not raise me this way and I will never want to be considered selfish.

Extremely confident? Yes. Ridiculous? Yes. Easily amused? Yes. Rude? Absolutely not.

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Apparently, during my delivery, the doctors were all singing Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds.”

Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',

Smiled with the risin' sun,

Three little birds

Pitch by my doorstep

Singin' sweet songs

Of melodies pure and true,

Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou."

I feel this explains a lot about me. Also, whenever I hear this song, it makes me smile and brings on a fresh wave of optimism.

Hopefully you hear it in the near future and it has the same positive effect on your mindset.

MakeDamnSure

I've done gone and messed up my iliotibial band and legs, so I have been stranded in the house all day with nothing but a few conversations with friends and healing thoughts.

Bullshit.

I hate this. It was a beautiful day and all I wanted was to go cycling.

I spent 26 hours on a plane last week. I am exhausted, but cannot sleep most of the time. (Europe in 10 days!)

Anyways, I am moving to Syracuse to begin graduate school in two months. Still have yet to find a place to live, but I fell in love with campus and the program this past weekend.

Only one other student showed up for this master’s preview, and she was put on the waiting list for the program. She is from Palestine, optimistic and lovely. I wish the world for her.

Doctor Dennis immediately recognized my name from my personal statement. We began discussing the theories I proposed to research on, and he said no one had ever mentioned the spiral of silence before. He remembered my mom being from the Philippines and we talked of a variety of things, from Marjane Satrapi to Mexican food. It feels good to know that I have already established a comfortable relationship with one of my primary mentors.

What he told me next put everything into perspective. There are only 15 students in the public diplomacy program. That is all they admitted when the program first started four years ago, and that is all they admitted from the 90 applicants for 2011. The students study, work, publish an annual journal, organize guest speakers, travel abroad for internships, and so much else. I have yet to meet the 14 other students, but it is daunting to think that this is it for the next two years.

I am currently 22 years old. When I am 24, I will have my bachelor’s in communication with two master’s degrees, one in public relations and the other in international relations. I can have a doctorate by the time I am 27 if I wanted to. I am five pep talks away from making my decision on a PhD.

Regardless, April 30, 2011 is the day I decided that I, eventually, was bound to change worlds for the better. I am going to make a difference.

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On a side note, because I am leaving in a bit, I decided months ago that I would refrain from any serious relationships and just have fun. For the most part, I have been successful. The whole situation, however, has me thinking about my expectations in a significant other.

I am ambitious, pretty decent looking, intelligent to a certain extent... Needless to say, I have my head screwed on right, which is something that most people my age aren't able to claim. My family is extremely supportive and I have a lot to offer. It is extremely difficult for me, though, to find someone that is confident in who they are and has the ability to tolerate me.

I ran across some old photographs of my most recent ex on my laptop. We were together for about a year and a few months, with a two hour commute from one another, when she decided to break up with me days before my birthday. She decided that she ultimately couldn't be with a girl. The most recent news is that she has become the party girl that she always strived to be, continuing to idolize tanning and drinking, reality TV, and Lindsay Lohan. I am told that I dodged quite the bullet. I cannot help but think the same.

People tell me that I am too young to be worrying about all this, and I agree. BUTTTT I do fret a bit, regardless. I think it is because at my age, my parents had already been married for 4 years and I was a year old.

I have the rest of my life set, so why is this such a problem? I suppose a big part of it is that I have to meet my own expectations before subjecting anyone else to them. Also, there is the theory that I have gotten screwed over so many times that I subconsciously resent monogamous relationships.\

Oh well, I still have time and most of my wits.

The world is mine for the taking.

"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong."

-Peter T. Mcintyre